Judgement

For the last few months I've noticed that I've been reluctant to blog.  I've been feeling less motivated to tell birth stories from my perspective and wondering if I should continue.  After some searching from within, it recently dawned on me as to why.  Why I wasn't blogging and also why I should.  

I suppose the reasons that I felt less inspired to write were created by much of the negativity that I've witnessed in response to such stories all over the internet, but ultimately these reasons were the product of my own mind.  That "little voice"succeeded in talking me out of sharing time and time again.  After each birth I would think, Would anyone really be interested in that one?  It was pretty text book (which if you ask me, "text book" is pretty great!),--OR-- Will people just think I'm dramatizing the situation?--OR-- I don't want people to think I'm bragging about myself as a doula--OR-- I don't want to make someone feel badly who didn't have a positive birth experience by reading someone else's great story. The main reason, however, that constantly came up in my mind was this:  No matter what birth story I read on the internet, SOMEONE always judges and comments negatively about it.  And that, I realized, was the root of my resistance:  Judgement.  Readers write comments on how it really SHOULD have gone, or WOULD have gone if THEY were the one there, or how ignorant the team was, or why would these parents ever choose {blank} when they CLEARLY should have chosen {blank} if they knew ANYTHING about the latest research... and on and on and on.  I found myself analyzing the amazing births I've attended in an effort to find what others would say about them BEFORE they could butcher it themselves!  Then it hit me.  If I'm going to pick these stories apart for everyone else in my own mind in order to avoid hearing judgment, then not writing them doesn't prevent the judgment from happening at all!  I realize that people are ALWAYS going to judge...(my self judgement included).  They'll judge the story, the writer, the birth team, the mom, the choices and on and on.  But I now realize that I don't care.  The story is what it is... it happened how it happened for one reason or another and most importantly, the reader WASN'T THERE.  They don't truly know WHAT they would choose if they were facing each given situation and at the end of the day that's life.  People have always and will always have an opinion but it doesn't make it fact.  These experiences, I realize, deserve to be told because they're REAL, they're authentic, and hopefully they inspire.  No, they aren't always perfect.  Not every mom has every single desire met that she wanted with her birth.  Some do, some don't even come close, and most are somewhere in between.  But I can say that with all the negativity out there and all the horrific stories that people love to tell in order to process their story (and I'm not knocking the process of sharing traumatizing birth stories), there need to be some positive ones to balance them.  Too many clients come to me saying Oh my gosh, I just read {blank} on the internet and that REALLY freaked me out!  When searching on the internet, we always read of the extremes and yes, they can be terrifying.  So I'm realizing that we need more empowering stories, fun stories, exciting stories, and most of all uplifting stories that give these curious moms hope and renew their sense of trust in this process. 

So why am I blogging about why I haven't blogged?  Because I've noticed that sometimes the birth community (both professionals and parents rallying for a certain type of birth experience) can actually be quite harsh.  Instead of coming together to SUPPORT each other, they end up scrutinizing each other and the choices everyone has made.  And yes, there are times where I'm guilty of it too... I don't exactly type out a diatribe in response to forums or blogs, but internally I certainly share in the shoulda-coulda-woulda's from time to time if not careful!  So here's to sharing positive stories and hoping that our community can actually be more supportive of one another in the births that these moms not only desire, but also the ones that they choose.