Monday, March 19, 2012

Saved by the husband!

So I'd like to start by disclaiming that the following is really embarrassing.  For me.  But I figure I didn't get to hear (much) about this symptom so I may as well share it so that somebody else won't feel so bad!  I'd also like to disclaim that this, while coming across as a 'complaint', is a welcome part of pregnancy, as I realize there are many out there (including myself) who would do anything to feel symptoms of pregnancy if it meant that a baby was at the end of the tunnel!

So with all of that said... I have gas.  And I'm not talking about a toot here and there.  I'm saying, BOY do I REALLY have gas.  You hear about nausea, yeah I've had that too but it's to be expected and thus far has been pretty manageable.  I have to pee all the time too... but again I expected this.  My breasts are sore and crazy itchy.  Expected that.  I'm also quite bloated to the point where sadly at only 6 weeks I looked about 5 months pregnant, and yes, I'm even a bit constipated.  (I told you this would be embarrassing for me... but what on earth is interesting about pretending or even lying that pregnancy is always pleasant and predictable?). But what I did NOT expect, or at least never to this end, was this gas!

It began in very early pregnancy... I mean even before I had taken a test.  Suddenly I had this bloated, full, gassy feeling that once unleashed would easily clear a room... or perhaps even an entire store.  Mortified by what my body was suddenly able to create, I initially giggled and knew that this must be a good sign!  However I will say that weeks upon weeks (ok months now) have passed... (ha. no pun intended) and so continues my gas!  The odd thing is that every morning I'm just fine again... I have a relatively normal day, (aside from that first trimester nausea) and then BOOM:  4pm hits and I have this sudden, uncontrollable urge, every 2-5 minutes to pass the worst smell in the entire world that lasts well into the middle of the night!  My poor husband is about to take up an 8 month lease in a hotel or something.  The dogs love it, which helps me to feel that their love is truly unwavering, but that's just gross :)

So why am I sharing this?  Well for a few reasons.  As I said, I didn't expect this to be such a debilitating symptom, and of course my friends, my sister, and my mother (you know, the close people you would dare ask) all said "nope.. didn't have that one"... so I figure if I can share it then it's out there for others to know:  It is VERY MUCH a HUGE symptom!  I'm also sharing it because it's quite funny if you think about it and I enjoy laughing at life's bloopers.  I'm scheduling my days and appointments around when I am least likely to seep one out without being able to control myself... literally thinking as I check my calendar if I take that appointment will I have THE gas at that time??  And I think about how I'll excuse myself during births every 2 minutes while a mother is laboring away... only to drag the horrific odor back into the room with me upon my return!  Talk about nausea!  (I'm thankful to report that somehow I've yet to need to pass gas at a birth!)

And if you're actually still reading this, I'll end with a funny little story.  You know your husband loves you when he takes the heat (lol again no pun intended but I'm laughing pretty hard over here) for your misfortune.  A few weekends ago we were going out to dinner with some friends of ours.  While Andy and I were driving over to meet at  their house, I accidentally slipped one in the car.  Of course the entire car immediately smelled of a rotten-egged-stink-bomb, and I began apologizing profusely to my husband.  We rolled down the windows, my husband gagging by my side, and went on about our night.  We visited with our friends at their place for about 45 minutes before we all headed out to the restaurant.  Since I can't drink, we decided I would be the driver (aka driving in our car...).  As we walked up to the car I had a sudden thought/fear... oh gosh, what if? what if it's NOT GONE???  I quickly opened my door trying to discreetly sneak a sniff before anyone else could get in the car.  Yep.  As feared, there was an old lingering eggy hot smell hanging out in the car.  Trying to think quickly and trying to pick the lesser of embarrassments, I said, "OH NO honey!  Your little problem sort of stayed in the car!" (Now mind you, this buddy we were with was Andy's old roommate when we met.. aka boys are gross around each other... so I figured I was somewhat safe with this little white lie!) With a glimmer in his eye and a slight smile, Andy said, "oh sorry guys"!  Phhhewww!!! I was completely saved by the husband!  We got in the car and our male friend laughed saying, "yep.. that's an eggy one dude!  I'll make a contribution if you'd like!"  His girlfriend said, "ugh, men...aren't they so gross?!"  I quickly agreed.  Andy winked at me and squeezed my hand, and until now it's been our little secret. So I doubt those friends will stumble upon this blog, but if they do... I guess I've just outed myself :)

To those of you out there who have gas in pregnancy and feel kind of embarrassed and alone... you're not!  To those of you who think I'm completely disgusting and have no intention of ever reading my blog or thinking of me the same way again... well so be it! I'm human and I think honesty in our human existence makes for a much more interesting (even when really embarrassing) life!

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